Maegan- Happy Feast Day!

Today, in a way, is everyone's Feast day! Why? Because today is the Feast of St. Augustine,

and if Augustine can become a Saint, then anyone can!

For most of my life, I have been fascinated by the Saints and their stories, but I knew of them almost like fairy tales. It was difficult for me to understand that they were real people. I think one of the gifts of the modern age (like I've mentioned before) is that through technology we have access to the stories of Saints right at our fingertips. And, more recently, we have been blessed to witness the canonization of a man who actually LIVED during our lifetime: St. John Paul II. Suddenly, with the canonization of JPII, Sainthood has become so real to me - more than just nursery tales - because I knew and loved that man as a living priest and shepard in our Church, and now he is a Saint! Now, the skeptics of JPII are few because most people can agree that he lived an extraordinary life of holiness throughout most of his life. Augustine, however; is a Saint from the other side of camp. :)

Do you know the story of Augustine? In brief, his modern day motto could have been: "YOLO!" (You Only Live Once... a mantra for those not wanting to miss out on more worldly experiences like sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll for those of you who have been wondering what the heck "YOLO" is). Augustine loved himself some boos, broads, and... de-bauchery! His poor, fierce, devoted mother, St. Monica, prayed for her son's conversion for 40 years! (Tangent: I get tired of praying the same intention for like a week! 40 years? No wonder she's a Saint!) After all those years of throwing himself into every other possible thing he could find, seeking happiness and fulfillment practically in every other corner or the world, Augustine realized his thirst was still not satiated. "Our hearts our restless until they rest in you, Oh God." Augustine put to words what each of us knows in our hearts: that God is our ultimate fulfillment, whether we want to acknowledge it, or not.

Today, we celebrate this wonderful Saint because, frankly, if that sinner can allow God to conquer his lust, addictions, pride, etc. and transform him into one of the most profound Saints in the history of the world- then I've got a fighting chance too!

I love Augustine for his honesty with himself, and the Lord. I think THAT is where his sanctity was accomplished: in his honest wrestling with his own humanity.

"Lord, make me a Saint, but not yet."

St. Augustine, pray for us!
Let us pray...

"O Beauty ancient, O beauty new. Late have I loved Thee and feebly, yet do. Though you were with me I was not with You, then You shone Your face and I was blind no more. 

My heart searches restlessly, and finds no rest 'til it rests in Thee. O Seeker, You sought for me. Your love has found me, I am taken by Thee. 

I searched this world and chased its finer things, yet were these not in You they could not have been. My ceaseless longing hid the deeper truth: in all my desirings I was desiring you. 

Lord, in my deafness You cried out to me. I drew my breath and now Your fragrance I breathe. O, Font of Life You are forever the same. O, Fire of Love, come set me aflame!

("Prayer of Augustine" Ed Conlin) 

Maegan- On the Rich Young Man

Do you know the story of the rich young man? It's from the gospel reading over a week ago (on Monday August 18th), and I have been sitting with it ever since. If you can't recall off the top of your head, here is the text:

Gospel MT 19:16-22

A young man approached Jesus and said,
“Teacher, what good must I do to gain eternal life?”
He answered him, “Why do you ask me about the good?
There is only One who is good.
If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.”
He asked him, “Which ones?”
And Jesus replied, “You shall not kill;
you shall not commit adultery;
you shall not steal;
you shall not bear false witness;
honor your father and your mother;
and you shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
The young man said to him,
“All of these I have observed. What do I still lack?”
Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go,
sell what you have and give to the poor,
and you will have treasure in heaven.
Then come, follow me.”
When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad,
for he had many possessions.

In the Pray-As-You-Go podcast of this Gospel reading, the translation they use says the rich young man went away GRIEVING, for he had many possessions. Now that word (again, I'm a word person), just about jumped out and smacked me! I haven't heard the passage translated that way before... but its appropriate isn't it? We grieve the loss of our own will.

Grief is something that is deeply rooted in the heart of a person, it's mourning a loss, it's more than just a fleeting emotion like sadness. Grief can stay with you for days, weeks, years. Grief can be oppressive.

This young man wants to enter into eternal life! He asks the Lord what he must do because he thinks he has already accomplished it. He wants the approval of the Lord as if to say: "Look how good and holy I am!" He views faith, and salvation, as a series of tasks towards an accomplishment. But the Lord looks at the heart. The rich young man, though he appears to be following all the commandments, still is not converted in his heart of hearts because he prizes his possessions above the will of the Lord. He doesn't want to let go and surrender all. He wants holiness on his own terms.

It reminds me of times in my life that I have grieved what the Lord has asked of me. My plans for college and grad school falling through, ending relationships that were not of His will, personal suffering in my life and the lives of friends and family members. Sometimes it is easier to look at the cost than the reward. In an effort to maintain "control" we hold on to the things that we think will bring us security: homes, jobs, money, time, relationships....

What attachments in your life are keeping you from the Lord?
What things (material or immaterial) do you hold onto for security instead of clinging entirely to the Lord with reckless abandon?

You see, the trap is to compare ourselves to those around us: I'm giving more, doing more, holier, etc. than my other friends/family members/ coworkers/etc. But the Lord doesn't ask the rich young man to be as good as everyone else. He calls each of us to something more: he calls us to perfection. And He is the only measure of perfection.


Lord, reveal to us our attachments, and heal us from our grief over those things. Help us to place our entire selves: our lives, our will, our dreams, our possessions, into your hands to do with as You will.

Let us pray...

Maegan - Catching Up

5 days of silence... did you think I had forgotten you, poor readers?

I have not!

And, more importantly (no offense), I am still praying! 

Are you?

I have felt this week as if I no longer am just participating in a challenge, but have started to make the turn to actually encorporating this new wonderful habit into my daily life. 

We had a staff day yesterday, and on the way back, one of our staff members suggested we pray a Divine Mercy Chaplet since it was the hour of mercy (3pm)... I quickly flipped to my Laudate app, and searched for the chaplets section, and found the Divine Mercy Chaplet, and was able to scroll through digital "beads" with reminders of which prayers came next. And it was such a sweet gift to my day! And I've been thinking ever since... We have so many tools! So much help at our fingertips to enhance and support and develop our relationship with God. What a gift!

We also listened to a Lighthouse Media CD, and I'm still "chewing" on it. Listening to talks and reading spiritual readings is also a great way to strengthen our spiritual muscles and gives us some "meat" to chew on and think about and meditate on throughout our day. I believe you can subscribe to Lighthouse Media and receive a CD in the mail monthly, if you're interested! 

How has technology made prayer more meaningful or accessible for you?

Maegan - Desire

I've been contemplating this thought since yesterday (because the readings for the pray-as-you-go podcast yesterday were for the Solemnity of the Assumption, which is today's feast day)--

What is the honest desire of your heart?

In the depths of your being, if you are being 100% authentic to who you are, what would the cry of your heart be?

The truth is: I don't really know. I have some ideas... I desire deeply to be loved, and to be love. I desire to give my life fully for those in it, to serve and support and pour myself out. And I want to be good- I think my struggle with perfectionism is rooted in a desire to be "good," to accomplish meaningful things, be successful, make an impact of some kind... And rooted in there somewhere also is that I want these things for God, and with God. But, if I'm being honest... It's a little convoluted, and often it's more "me" focused than God focused... And sometimes I don't know what I want at all. 

But when I hear Mary's Proclamation to Elizabeth - her battlecry, her mission statement - my soul wells up from the inside with love, admiration, inspiration. Mary's purpose is so clear to her (and to the rest of us), that it simply overflows from al that she is. And I believe that it resonates in the depths of all of our hearts, whether we realize it or not, because it is who we were made to be too. 

Mary's canticle, echoes the cry of all of our hearts. 

“My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior
for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
the Almighty has done great things for me
and holy is his Name.
He has mercy on those who fear him
in every generation.
He has shown the strength of his arm,
and has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of his servant Israel
for he has remembered his promise of mercy,
the promise he made to our fathers,
to Abraham and his children forever.”

Let us pray.

Michael- Martyrdom, Perseverance, Faith

You will be hated by all because of my name, but not a hair on your head will be destroyed.  By your perseverance you will secure your lives."  (Luke 21: 17-19)

Today we celebrate one of my favorite saints, Maximilian Kolbe.  Saint Maximilian was a priest from Poland who during World War II offered himself to save another.  While imprisoned in Auschwitz, he asked to die in place of another prisoner who had a family.  Martyrdom was this act of love that Father Kolbe performed.



The Gospel of Luke speaks of persecution and death for the followers of Jesus.  However, Jesus affirms that his followers would not be harmed.  The promise of this protection speaks of the eternal reward of Heaven.  The reality of martyrdom for the early Christians was ever present in their minds, but the love for God and the mission of the Church was stronger than fear of persecution, even death.  Pope Francis recently said that the Apostles “even saw their persecution as a badge of honor that made them capable of following in the footsteps of Jesus and to be like Him, bearing witness to Him with their lives.”

 

Today, martyrdom is very much a reality for many Christians around the world.  Religious Persecution is occurring globally.   We see this happening more evidently in Iraq.  In May 2013, Archbishop Tomasi from Vatican Radio reported that an estimated 100,000 Christians are killed every year for their faith, which is roughly 250-300 Christian martyrs dying for the faith every day.  Some theologians have said martyrdom is not always obtained by bloodshed.   The term white martyrdom has been coined for those who have accepted and offered up to God other forms of tremendous suffering without undergoing a violent death.  St. Thérèse of Lisieux and St. John Paul II would be examples of such martyrs.

 

Martyrs do not negotiate the faith.  They persevere and stand firm.  When we are called to witness, what is our faith like?  Is it strong or is it watered down?  As I have previously said in past letters, discipleship is not easy.  It comes with crosses to bear, but Christ’s graces are ever present for us to accept.  Pope Francis suggests this daily prayer:

 

"Lord, thank you so much for my faith. Preserve my faith, increase it. May my faith be strong and courageous.”

Maegan - Practicing the Presence of God

Yesterday came and went without a blog post from me, though it did not pass without prayer! I did not listen to my daily podcast yesterday, nor did I take a specific time away to sit in the presence of the Lord. I didn't take a "personal prayer time" yesterday, per se, but I did pray.

I spent the day contemplating God in the details and busyness of my work. In my struggles for organization and planning, I sought refuge in Him. In the quiet moments of office work in the late afternoon, I felt His presence with me. I reflected on my prayer journey thus far, and anticipated what was to come in prayer. I soaked in His goodness and mercy around the dinner table with friends when two of our high school seniors cooked a "Thank You" dinner for the Life Teen CORE team last night. I tasted his sweetness in the laughter echoing across the dinner table. Oh, and I got to hold a sweet little 6 week old baby... taste and see the GOODNESS of the Lord!

This IS prayer. It IS possible to "practice the presence of God' throughout your day as a means of being connected to God. However, I feel like God is calling me to something more.

"We must remember God more often than we draw breath." But we cannot pray "at all times" if we do not pray at specific times, consciously willing it. 

(Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 2697)

I woke up today with a longing. My heart was aching for a connection, for time, for breath to be breathed into my soul. I awoke, perhaps, gasping for the oxygen of prayer. I don't mean that to be as dramatic as it sounds, because obviously it wasn't a true desperation... just a subtle seeking that I was aware of in the depths of my heart. Yesterday's prayer was not "enough."

Why?

Because we are made for intimacy.
We are made for intimacy with God.
And intimacy is not built in shallow contact.

Think about the marital or romantic relationship.
I love my husband, and he and I have the sort of relationship where we just don't tire of each other. He is my best friend, and we talk all day long - through brief phone calls, text messages, and sometimes emails. When we are not speaking, I am thinking of him - what he is doing at that moment, what he may be thinking or feeling, perhaps reflecting on things he shared with me earlier. But what would our relationship look like if we never actually took the time to look each other square in the face, in physical proximity to one another, and had actual interaction and conversation in person? What if we relied only on text messages, emails, phone calls, and thinking about one another throughout the day? What would happen?

Our relationship would be lacking a depth of intimacy which we were created to experience.

True love, desires communion with the Beloved.
God, desiring to be reunited to His people, sent Jesus to bring us back into communion with Him.
God desires communion (intimacy) with us at all times.
So much so, that He exists for us in the Eucharist (which we also call COMMUNION) in every Catholic Church, everywhere in the world, until the end of time.

Today, I think God is calling me deeper. Is He calling you?
Perhaps its time to spend some time alone with God, to square up to Him, look Him in the eyes, and let Him love us.

"I look at Him, and He looks at me." That is true intimacy. And that is enough.

Let us take time to meet the gaze of the Lord.
Let us pray...

Michael- Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven.

The disciples approached Jesus and said,
“Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven?”
He called a child over, placed it in their midst, and said,
“Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children,
you will not enter the Kingdom of heaven.
Whoever becomes humble like this child
is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven.
And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.  - Matthew 18:1-5

Humility is a difficult posture for many to embrace or follow.  Human pride tends be the major road block for an individual to act in humility.  In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus calls us to become humble like children.  What does this look like?  A child's humility is innocent and non-threatening.  The humble child is able to trust without reservation or fear.  Children allow their parents to lead them; and so like children, we are called to be humble to allow God to lead us.  It through humility we realize that God is everything to us and for us.  It is God who works through us.  We are but humble instruments ready to bring God glory through songs of service and praise.

During the CrossFit Training Prayer Challenge, let us pray for humility, so we can allow God to work stronger in our life.  Let us become like humble children who have a pure faith in our Heavenly Father!

Let us pray!

Maegan - Breathing Again.

I noticed last week, when I was sitting in my office prayer corner during my prayer time, that I started  taking big, deep breaths without even consciously realizing it. I thought: huh, that's interesting.

Today, while listening to my daily podcast, I found myself doing the same thing. And you know what? After the podcast today, I felt like I wanted to keep soaking in all that grace so I turned on the Pandora Gregorian Chant Radio station and I have been listening to it for the past 4 hours.

Every so often, I catch myself taking a really deep breath again, without consciously willing it.

St. Padre Pio is quoted as saying that prayer is like oxygen for Christians. And although I know it to be true in my head, I have not lived it out for most of my life, and yet- when I enter a quiet church, how my heart and soul are at rest! How deeply do I breathe in the grace of those sweet moments!

What I'm trying to say is that in some ways I feel like I'm breathing again, after a long time of suffocation. Perhaps you are experiencing this grace of prayer in your life as well. Are you noticing that you are more conscious of the presence of God throughout the day? Are you aware of silent urgings of the Holy Spirit that you never payed attention to before? Do you notice an increase in your desire for prayer? Is there an ease in putting aside moments for reflection here and there that didn't exist before? Have you noticed an increase in discipline in some areas of your life?

All of these things are fruits of prayer. An overflow of God's grace into your life.
In a way, for me, it feels like I'm breathing again.

"Prayer is the life of the new heart. It out to animate us at every moment. But we tend to forget him who is our life and all.... "

"We must remember God more often times than we draw breath."

 (Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 2697)

Lord, help us to love you more with every breath.
Let us pray...

 

 

Week one- Complete!

Can you believe it has been an entire week of the Cross Fit Training Challenge already?
You did it! As much or as little as you participated, you still made an effort! And if you're just arriving to the party: 1. Way to go on the "fashionably late" / dramatic entrance! 2. Welcome! We're glad you're here!

So I have been doing a lot of blogging and sharing about my prayer this week (perhaps more than in my entire life! Haha) and I want to hear from all of you! One of the highlights of my prayer time this week was a conversation with my uncle about his renewal in prayer and what God is speaking to Him- conversations I never knew we would have (because sometimes sharing about prayer with friends and family can feel awkward and uncomfortable). It's worth it to be uncomfortable and share about our experiences in prayer because 1. It confirms for us that we aren't just making it all up in our heads. 2. It glorifies The Lord when we share about His good works. 3. It edifies the Body of Christ and strengthens our faith. 4. It encourages and inspires.

I could go on, but I think you get the point. :)
So today, use the comments section of this blog to share about your journey this week!

What did you decide to do?
What were the joys?
Did you encounter any struggles?
What is God speaking to you or stirring in your heart?
How do you feel about your time in prayer this week?
 Or anything you would like to share!

Don't be shy.  :)

Ready, set, go!

Maegan- Revealing Attachments.

Yesterday I didn't blog (obviously), and as you at have guessed by my lack of blogging, I also didn't listen to my podcast. I was feeling a little disappointed in myself, and a little like the blog was going to get away from me and I was going to let everyone down- and that in and of itself revealed a lot to me about my hidden motives for prayer and blogging. Don't you hate that? When your true attachments to world things are revealed to you? (oh God please don't let me be the only one with attachments! ;) 

So if my motive for prayer is because I am blogging about my prayer, I have some work to do. I should pray because I love. Will God accept my prayer time if it comes from a skewed desire or want to attain another thing? Of course He will. Talk about a humble King! whew. It's hard to wrap my mind about that. But I should pray just because I love Him and want to spend time with Him. 

As a newlywed myself, (we celebrated our first anniversary at the end of June), I have learned a lot about love this first year. Mainly: that it is wonderful, that it is hard, and that I'm not always as good at it as I think I am. When I think about love, I think about my relationship with my husband. What would it feel like if I wanted to spend an extra five minutes of my day being with my husband so that I could feel better about myself, or He would give me some money, or for some other good benefit to me. (All just hypothetical situations of course!). But it doesn't make me feel very good even hypothetically. Why? Because I love my husband, and I want to be with Him just for the sake of being with Him and not for any other secondary purpose. 

So why do I struggle to spend time with God without another secondary motivation (even one like getting holier)? The answer: because I don't love Him enough. 

Lord, help me to love you more. 

Let us pray. 

Michael- Lectio Divina

When launching this parish prayer challenge, I never thought how much of a challenge it would be for me.  The spiritual attacks have been frequent, as well as, the distractions from my committed prayer plan.  This just confirms the importance and the goodness of this task.

I decided to take on the challenge of reading more scripture.  What a gift we have in the Word of God!  Holy Scripture is truly the living Word of The Lord.  One of my favorite devotions or spiritual practices is Lectio Divina. I learned this devotion when I was discerning to be a monk.  This ancient practice of contemplating Scripture is a means for one to seek and discover a deeper union with God.  One learns to listen with the "ears of the heart" as St. Benedict of Nursia would describe it.  Here is link to a website that describes the practice: http://www.valyermo.com/ld-art.html


If you are still searching for ways to enter into the CrossFit Training, look into Lectio Divina.  

Maegan - "will" versus "shall"

This morning I turned on the podcast when I got to work. I was trying to focus, but was a bit distracted, so I just left it on in the background while I was sitting and doing some work things. At the very least, I thought, it is soothing to my soul to have it on in the background. And then the narrator began with the reading... and my heart pounded out of my chest! I LOVE this reading, because once upon a time, when I was leading a retreat for young adults, this was the verse that was chosen for prayer lab and God just about blew my heart open. So here is the whole first reading from today, so you'll read it, and hopefully it will fill your heart and soul like it does mine:

Reading 1JER 31:31-34

The days are coming, says the LORD,
when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel
and the house of Judah.
It will not be like the covenant I made with their fathers:
the day I took them by the hand
to lead them forth from the land of Egypt;
for they broke my covenant,
and I had to show myself their master, says the LORD.
But this is the covenant that I will make
with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD.
I will place my law within them, and write it upon their hearts;
I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
No longer will they have need to teach their friends and relatives
how to know the LORD.
All, from least to greatest, shall know me, says the LORD, 

for I will forgive their evildoing and remember their sin no more. 

Man, oh man! It makes my heart pump like crazy! Did you catch it? Did it speak to you?

There are many many things in this verse that speak to me, and I sure there are tons of different ways the Holy Spirit can use this excerpt of the Word to speak to our hearts individually. Today, I just want to share with you the part that God spoke into my heart several years ago, that He continues to speak to me today...

Although I am a Youth Minister, my degree is actually in English Literature, and I am TOTALLY a word nerd. Words are so important to me, and so when I listen to someone speak, or read their work, I pay attention to their word choice. So God spoke to me through that one day and showed me something:

"I will be their God, and they shall be my people."

Bam! 

Haha, okay, okay, I realize this might be a nuance thing so let me point it out to you: 

God (through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and the Prophet Jeremiah) is stating the terms of this new covenant He has made with His people (because the Israelites broke the original covenant... shame, shame! Just kidding. :) and God uses the word "will" for His part of the covenant - meaning it IS going to happen, God is making a promise, like when He says "I WILL do it" - God WILL be ours.

And yet, He ends the statement by saying: "and they SHALL be my people." Shall- meaning He is giving permission, or even inviting the possibility, but also with a sense of firmness.

This stuck out to me because, from a literary perspective, it would be more appropriate for all of the verb tenses to match up since "will" is used in the sentence just above as well: "I WILL place my law within them..." In fact, I am noticing just now as I read it again,  that everything God is saying about himself uses the verb "WILL" and every reference to our part of the covenant is "SHALL" and in my nerdy word brain, that is super poignant!

God WILL. He will provide. He will write His law and love on our hearts. He will be our God. No matter what.

And He invites us into that communion: we SHALL be His, if we accept it - if we let Him be. 

It sounds to me like an open invitation, even despite how much we may mess it up, we SHALL always be His. I don't know about you, but that is something I need to sit with more frequently.

Let us pray.

Maegan - Trying something new.

I decided I am not going to count the days anymore, mostly because I'm confusing myself. (Did the challenge start on the 3rd or the 4th technically if I went to Mass on the 4th? What day is today really? Blah. Forget it.) haha!

So today was a little different because I had a doctor's appointment this morning and had planned to listen to the podcast on my way to work (from the doctor's office), but then I just didn't feel like it. So I didn't.

And so I have been sitting at work for the last several hours thinking to myself, "don't forget to pray," "it's not the right time now, but don't forget you have to pray," "you still have to blog, don't miss it..." etc. I finally decided the "right time" was not going to present itself, and I just needed to make it happen. (Just can't shake that perfectionism sometimes, am I right?)

I wanted to share with you this lovely prayer space I built into my office at work. When I moved into this office a year ago, I was bound and determined to spend time daily praying in my office, in this little prayer corner. I am very sad to say it has happened only a handful of times, but I am very glad I made use of it today. It helped me to remember why I took the time to create that space.

That's just a little ottoman (I think) in the corner of my office by my bookshelf, with a statue of St. Therese of Liseaux, a prayer candle (made by lighting it when I'm praying...lol), an image of Jesus that I connect to (I have a devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus), and I added the wall decal as a reminder to myself that I need to be still and take time to stop and pray (I listen to my reminders really well, can you tell?). My point is: it looks fancy, but don't be fooled! You, too, can make a comfy space that you can pray! (The basket on the floor has prayer intentions from a Life Teen night, in case you were curious...I know I would be).

Here is my view from when I was sitting so comfortably in that corner (I was sitting on the ottoman, with my feet up on a chair... I realize now that's backwards. Haha. But it was comfortable anyway). So, also a peaceful perspective to reflect on while I sit there. 

Okay, can I just be real for a second? Yes, there I was, sitting comfortably in my awesome prayer corner, gazing at the beautiful images of the Sacred & Immaculate Hearts... and was I caught up in a mystical transfiguration while listening to the Gospel reading about the Transfiguration?? - NO! You want to know what I was thinking about? (See below)

What you can't really see in the first picture is that there is an EDGE box under the table in my office (it has "treasure box" goodies in it, for the record). This, my friends. So much this. For my whole prayer time: 

"I wonder when the EDGE boxes will arrive... I saw on the Life Teen facebook yesterday that they were shipped, so maybe tomorrow or Friday... I wonder if I'll be able to get the nights copied for the CORE meeting on Monday?.... Oh, crap. Prayer. I'm supposed to write a blog about this prayer time... I guess I gotta start praying.... "

I spent my entire prayer time trying not to think about work, and trying to listen to the Gospel reading and reflection. And you know what? I didn't really reflect, I just wrote down the things that I think God wanted me to reflect on. So, was this prayer the most "satisfying" prayer time? No. I didn't really walk away from it feeling like I'm an awesome Christian and a really good "pray-er". But did I pray? Absolutely. I carved a chunk out of my day to sit with God (and try not to think about work while I tried to listen to Him). It may have felt half-hearted, but you know what? It still "counts". It is still a worthwhile way to spend our time, even if the whole time is spent trying to get our hearts and minds to "Be still," God loves us SO MUCH that He wants to be in our presence, and us to be in His, even if its difficult to be focused. Here's some back up, from people MUCH holier than I am. Man, does this give me courage to continue on in my attempts to pray!

My notes: I can go back later when I am able.

"When you do not succeed in meditating well, do not for this reason cease to do your duty. If there are many distractions do not lose heart. Make a meditation of patience; you will profit all the same.When you have distractions, don’t distract yourself still more by stopping to consider the why and the wherefore."  -St. Padre Pio of Pietrelcina

"The clacking old mill (thought) must keep on going round.""A soul should pay no attention if the understanding wanders to all sorts of worldly nonsense. Let her laugh at it as at an idiot and keep her peace." -St. Terese of Avila

"It is a great illusion, but a very common one, to imagine that one has little or great virtue according to the many of few distractions one has in prayer! I have known souls raised to a high degree of contemplation who were distracted from the beginning to the end of their prayer. Most of the people who are so much troubled at this wandering of the mind are souls filled with self-love who cannot bear the confusion into which it throws them before God and man and who cannot put up with the weariness and fatigue their prayer causes them. They desire to be rewarded by sensible consolation for the mortification they practice." -The Spiritual Direction of Saint Claude de la Colombiire

"Provided the intention remains firm, my God is not in the least meticulous; He does not
look at trivial details; and, if you are trying to please Him in any way, He will assuredly
accept that as your gift." Way of Perfection p.163


And so, we press on, asking the Lord to be patient with our humble offering, grateful that we are able to make a humble offering to Him! Also, don't be too impressed by my knowledge of the Saints. I consulted the google. Looking in books? Ain't nobody go time for that.

Let us pray...

St Therese, pray for us!

Maegan - day 3. "Uprooted"

Today's podcast was a little more challenging for me than yesterday's. (If you've missed it, I'm sharing my prayer from my 30 Day Challenge commitment which you can read about here)

This is what stood out to me from the scripture reading (taken from today's alternate Gospel reading: Matthew 15:1-2, 10-14 )

"Listen and understand: it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but it is what comes out of the mouth that defiles."

Take a moment and read that through a couple times and let it just sort of sink into your soul.
I just sort of let the words of the Gospel flow over me as I listened to the woman's voice on the podcast.
Then, she continued:

"Listen and understand: it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but it is what comes out of the mouth that defiles." 

How does hearing these words make you feel?

Well... like crap if I'm telling the truth.
I mean, isn't the word "defile" pretty disgusting? I've been sitting with that thought all morning and into the early afternoon (writing this a little later in the day than I did yesterday), I think because I have been waiting for my prayer to resolve itself into some sort of more satisfying image or feeling. I'm a singer... I feel like I've been sitting in a dissonant chord all day.

So in my prayer time, I decided I wasn't comfortable thinking about "defiling myself with the things that come out of my mouth" (hah!) so I tried to ignore it and find another part in the reading that was more... shall we say... comfortable? Well the reading goes on:

“Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be uprooted."

Is it just me, or is that not a very comforting thought either? I mean, it probably is to someone else, and there is a sense of justice that is satisfying to me, but at the heart of it what I hear is this: I have a lot of work to do.

The [ugly] truth is: I do a lot of defiling myself. I defile myself in the way that I speak sarcastically to others, or gossip about them. I defile myself in my critical attitude of my coworkers, peers, and even myself. I defile myself through my cynicism, and negativity - through my lack of hope in some areas. I defile myself through comparison, and measuring what I have been given against the measure of others. I'm sure there are more ways, but you get the picture.

And today, God gave me the grace to just sit in that. And he gave me the grace to see what He is working on: uprooting all of those ways that I defile myself - all the bad habits, all the negative self-talk, all the ways that I am not being the best Maegan that I can be. He loves me enough to let me feel uncomfortable so that I can desire the better version of myself.

Lord, help me to have the grace to let you uproot the things in my life that are not your will for me. Don't let me get in the way of your making me a saint.

Let us pray.


PS- How are your prayer challenges going? What have you decided to do? What has God spoken to you?
Please share in the comments section of this blog - it's for all of us to share!

Maegan - Day One

So far so good! :) I remembered to listen to the Pray As You Go podcast on my way to work this morning. (Which is my own personal decision for prayer time, and not the requirement of the 30 day Cross Fit Challenge).

For any of you with smartphones, you can access the podcast by going to the website itself, or by downloading the app (also called Pray As You Go). I accessed the podcast today through my Laudate app - which is also a FANTASTIC resource for all of the prayers of the Church. Seriously, its like an amusement park full of so many wonderful Catholic things! (You can find the podcast under "Daily Readings & Saints" and then the 9th option on the screen is the pray-as-you-go.org podcast)

Today's scripture reflection was the story of the calming of the sea, Matthew 14:22-36 .

The podcast began with some music and the narrator posed the question: "Can you begin by placing all your hope and all your trust in the Lord?" 

Truth be told, I wanted to turn it off in that moment. I am going through some difficulties in my life right now and, as a result, I feel the gravity of placing all my hope and trust in the Lord - the depth of faith that it costs is so heavy! And yet, I know he is lovingly beckoning me, asking me to take His hand, and trust in Him.

I hadn't even gotten to the "real prayer" part yet and God was already stirring in my heart.

In listening to the scripture, something stood out to me that I have never noticed before: Peter practically challenges Jesus to make Him walk on water!

When the disciples saw him walking on the sea they were terrified. “It is a ghost,” they said, and they cried out in fear.

 At once [Jesus] spoke to them, “Take courage, it is I;^* do not be afraid.” 

Peter said to him in reply, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 

 I mean, what was Peter thinking??? Scripture says that the disciples were "terrified" and that they "cried out in fear" Was Peter testing God's power? Was he simply seeking a sign of God's authority for his own consolation? Or was he just so desperate for it all to be over that he was begging Jesus to calm the seas?

Jesus didn't calm the storm initially, but he did tell Peter, "Come."

And Peter stepped out in faith, and then looked around him and the storm was still raging on. Had he expected Jesus to calm the storm first? I know I do. I cry out to God to be with me in the situation and make it stop, and then I doubt Him when it doesn't stop. The storm rages on.

But my hope today in this scripture is that Jesus doesn't torture Peter. He doesn't let him drown in order to teach Him a lesson about faith. Jesus sees that Peter is weak, and Jesus goes in after Him (so to speak). He calms the sea. Jesus is merciful. He wants our whole hearts. He wants us to have the faith to move mountains, and walk on water, but when we don't, He comes to us, and grabs our hand, and pulls us up to where we need to be. He doesn't let us drown if we ask Him to help- if we keep our eyes on Him.

Let us pray.

Failing to plan...

...means planning to fail, right? How many times have you heard that phrase? Perhaps more to the point: how many times have you lived that expression? I'm pretty sure my first exposure to that little saying was in Weight Watchers several years ago and, at that time, it was used to emphasize the importance of preparation and planning to successfully sticking to the Weight Watchers' eating plan. I think I still cringe or roll my eyes when I hear it, but you know what? IT'S TRUE!

If I had a dollar for all the times I have resolved to "be better" at prayer and not actually done it then I'd be RICH. (and I'd be sinning way less! you know what I'm saying?!) The thing is, we cannot commit ourselves to a course of action without choosing a course in the first place. We are resistant to commitment because we are indecisive, or afraid of failing, or ____________ (fill in your excuse). No matter how much we deny it, the fact remains that we perform better if we know what it is we are seeking to accomplish, and the (general) guidelines for how we will get there. So what is your goal?

The CrossFit Training Challenge is to commit to trying to pray for 30 days in a row. Can I do it? I'll be honest here - it's going to be hard! I have NEVER had a consistent habit of daily prayer. Not even when I was a missionary! But I am going to COMMIT to this challenge, because I want to be better than I have been in the past. And because I feel the Lord calling me to DAILY time with Him. And because everyone else is doing it, so why not?! (even if you're just here for the bandwagon, that's great! He'll take it!) So if you feel intimidated by the idea of praying consecutively for 30 days because you've never had a consistent prayer life, you are not alone - you're my people! :) We can do it together, one day at a time. I think that really will be the key: to keep our eyes fixed on one day at a time, in trying to get our prayer in today (each day) and not thinking so much about the daunting task of the big picture.

The next step is to set up a framework for what you will do each day for prayer. Prayer is a SUPER broad topic, right? Where to begin? First, consider HONESTLY, what your current prayer life looks like. Do you already have a specific prayer time every day, or does your prayer right now consist of grace before meals, and bed time prayers? (For the record, if your prayer life now is grace and bedtime prayers only, you already have a beautiful foundation laid for deeper prayer! So don't be discouraged!) Consult the handout that is being distributed after all Masses for the whole month of August for some great prayer ideas! My advice: start small. I can't go from my daily prayer of grace before meals and bedtime prayers to reading the Bible for an hour, praying a rosary, making a Holy Hour of Adoration AND reading about the Saint of the Day, every day. I need to be practical. What is a goal that I can actually see myself accomplishing daily based on my current schedule, discipline, and DESIRE for prayer? Listen to the things that make you feel excited or interested! That is probably a way of prayer that resonates with your spirituality.  

5 ideas that have helped me in the past
:

Read the Gospel reading of the day - here is a link to the month of August on the USCCB website, just click on the day and it will take you to the readings

Create a cozy prayer space that you will go to daily for the purpose of prayer - your body and soul will be cozy and rest in the presence of God more easily (just be careful not to fall asleep! :)

Sit in silence for just 3 minutes, ask God, "Who are You? Who am I?" and just listen for 5 minutes or so, close with an Our Father, Hail Mary, and a Glory Be.

Two words: Gregorian Chant. Pandora. That's three words, but they are three GREAT words! Pandora has a Gregorian Chant Radio. Turn it on, and feel your whole body relax! Let your soul and mind be turned toward Heaven as the monks chant the prayers of the Church.

P.R.A.Y
Praise - 1-2 minutes praising God for Who He is. You can sing a praise and worship song, or hymn, or just praise Him ("God you are loving. You are merciful. You are the Savior of the World...)

Reflect -  Read a passage from Scripture (maybe the Gospel reading of the day) and reflect on it asking this: "God, what do you want to show me through your WORD?" (3-4 minutes)

Ask - 1-2 minutes of asking God for the grace you need. FIRST ask for the grace to accomplish what he revealed to you through scripture a few minutes ago. What do you need from God? Think: spiritual gifts and graces, not necessarily material things. AFTER you have asked for yourself, spend 1 minute asking for needs of those you love and the world.

Yield - 1-2 minutes surrendering the will of the Father. "You are God, I am not. I yield to Your control and your will for me." Close with an Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be.

BONUS TIP: Prayer Journal. Do it. Small little moleskin journal or something. Date the top, write down even just one word that strikes you during your prayer. If you have any thoughts, realizations, burning desires, etc. Write. Them. Down. It will help to track your journey of prayer, and it is amazing to go back and reflect. I do it mostly because I'm a "journaler" and I love to write. But the number one reason I have a prayer journal: BECAUSE I NEED TO BE REMINDED THAT GOD SPEAKS TO ME IN PRAYER.  It sounds silly, but sometimes I forget that God is with me, and that he hears me. My journal is a reminder of all the times that God actually "showed up" and spent time with me during prayer, and that is amazing. And I need the sense of "accomplishment" that I can see that I actually prayed. 

Also, sometimes the most daunting part of prayer can be: "what am I supposed to say?" If you are someone that struggles with thisquestion, or feels uncomfortable with spontaneous prayer (thinking up the words as you go), do not forget that there are hundreds (if not thousands) of prayers written by SAINTS that we can use for prayer. These prayers were good enough to get those men and women to Heaven, and we can pray the same words they did! You can find some of these prayers on the USCCB prayer page.

Now the killer part...the plan! I know myself that I have to take the plunge and write down (sometimes publicly). Please remember that each of us is so very different and in very different places with very different spiritualities and schedules! This is MY commitment for the CROSS FIT Challenge.And yours will look different, because you are a different person! Here comes MY PLAN:

1. I am going to pray everyday for 30 days (but I'm going to try not to think so much about the 30 days part, and just focus on each day).

2. If I happen to miss a day (although I am going to try my darndest to not let that happen), but IF it does, I am going to say "Lord, I am sorry I missed my prayer yesterday. Help me to forgive myself and start new today." And I'm going to keep going. Are there any perfectionists out there that here me on this?

3. I'm going to pray with the Pray As You Go podcast everyday on my commute to work (I live in Fullerton). FIRST THING, so I don't get distracted and forget.

4. I'm going to write down any thoughts that strike me during prayer (when I get to work and am no longer driving). And hopefully think about those thoughts of prayer throughout the day.

Feel free to post YOUR prayer plan for the Cross Fit Training Challenge in the comments below. Let this space be a place of community and encouragement! Invite a friend to take the plunge with you and hold each other accountable! I'll be checking in with you as often as I can and sharing some of the ways the Lord speaks to me, and I pray you'll do the same!

Let us pray!

Welcome

Congratulations, you have decided to accept the CrossFit Training 30-Day Prayer Challenge!

Prayer is a "surge of the heart" (CCC 2558), like "oxygen for the soul" (St. Padre Pio) and yet it often is the most difficult and neglected aspect of our Christian life. If you struggle to find time in your daily life to pray, you are not alone. If you struggle to find a format of prayer that you can commit to regularly, you are not alone. If you struggle to follow through on your well-intended resolutions to grow in personal prayer, you are not alone. If you have a wonderful life of prayer, but feel as if God is calling you to something more, you, also, are not alone.

Just as it can be said that the Holy Mass begins at the moment in which we begin preparing for it, so too has your CrossFit Challenge already begun by your desire to begin it.

Our hope is that this blog will be a space for inspiration, encouragement, and walking together in community toward deeper prayer lives, together! May this space be a place of shared struggles, encounters with the Living God, and tips to continue to grow.

If, at any time, you would like to contribute to this blog in the form of sharing what God is stirring in your heart through specific prayer encounters, please email your story to Maegan (mfrazier@stpeterstpaul.com), or Michael (mdonaldson@stpeterstpaul.com) and we will consider it.


Let us pray.